dirtylittlesecret

kl trip

2006-12-26T20:02:00.000+08:00

so i just came back from kuala lumpur and had the best time shopping, walking and sleeping, singing, and camwhoring throughout the 3 days. i never wanted to go back, i told my dad i wanted to stay for at least another day. i do not want to run away from you, i just needed a little space to breathe, just a little time where i do not have to worry about the littlest thing you do, because i miss being with myself.

so yea. maybe i dont wanna update anymore because most of my friends have migrated to livejournal, and i think i'll migrate there too. i'll still update occasionally, when i have something to talk about. when i think the whole world should know.

pictures of kl trip will be uploaded soon!

i miss u though. like crazy.

days like this.

2006-12-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

sometimes, all i want is for u and me to be like we were 19 months before. when everything is less complicated. when all i do is smile all day long.

i love hari raya.

2006-11-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

been through alot lately. Guardian sucks. i had to work for full, and didnt even get a toilet break, i broke down and cried while working. :(

raya outing with ma hommies- priceless experience man. outing was supposed to start at 11 but we all met up at around 1 at hamham's house( i came at 11 sharp, hamham's mom and i are BFF now ok).
i got to sit at the front most of the time because my boyfriend is driving. he needs the outmost motivation since he havent been driving for nearly 2 years since he got his license! hehe.

pictures will be up shortly! next year, van again ok! then all of us can sing old school songs and relive the good ol'days at pjc.

lovelove.

where are all my friends.

2006-10-29T10:47:00.000+08:00

i kinda miss alot of people right now.
where's nana? bot, call me soon aite. and nor? thursday still see u right? and when was the last time i saw maria(kak tek! i miss ur laughter!), lydia(dnt call me pelicit k, i scared.), lauren and nisa? ah pek? still in camp ar? and i kinda miss pravin bullying me, and the other praveen defending me. and what's up with the rest? hani? tera, when was the last time i saw u? aida too? jelly(how's life?), ure still missed by me, always.
my long time friends, fiza & shahida (i still remember the toilet drama), naresh and fahmi(my 2 pendek bodyguards), calvin?

i miss ALL of them.

"And the days went by like paper in the wind. Everything changed, then changed again. It's hard to find a friend. It's hard to find a friend."- Tom Petty

selamat hari raya

2006-10-25T12:23:00.000+08:00

hari raya this year is a bit solemn. we all miss my late cousin, who died a few months ago in an accident- the family portrait is just different without him.
may God bless his soul.
dan meletak nya di dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman.
amin.

i would like to also wish all my friends a selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin.

pictures will be up soon.

tired.

2006-10-17T15:08:00.000+08:00

yey, one more week to hari raya!

it has been a busy week, i had to work full for 2 days last week so i could get more pay. im going to earn much more less this month though. really. im tired. i just want to sleep and dream some more, and wake up when its near 7pm to break fast.

i smile alot nowadays.

i need to buy textbooks. i shall use my 10 dollars popular voucher before i forget about it.

floorball aches and flu

2006-10-10T10:56:00.000+08:00

i talked to jelly in msn today and she said there's nasi lemak and laksa and satay in california! it has been awhile since i talked to her man.
:)

had work on saturday morning, i hate GUARDIAN IMM, then off to town to look for stuff for sunday's training but didnt find any, so we went to break fast at sakura. the haze was quite bad, i was breathless the whole day, and then i got flu. must be the customers' fault. they brought unknown diseases to the shop, spread it to everyone they talked to, and throw their used tissues at the payment counter and act like as if im not human, and i should pick up all their filthy bits.

wtf.

so on sunday, i decided to go for floorball training with adillah, i wore my brother's t shirt, and my sister's pe shorts because im not exactly a sports person so i dont own any sports wear or equipments. training was fun, the girls were a nice lot, there were 3 pjc girls i've seen before in school, and they said they knew me.
ok.
i havent run or did any drillings for the longest time of my life, so i was always the last, or the 2nd last, but it doesnt matter because they were all supportive. :)
i cant walk properly now though, i have muscle aches everywhere.
i need a floorball stick soon. everyone has theirs already.

i love soci class. eileen and fil make me happy.
and the boyfriend too, because he surprise me again yesterday after class.

my boyfriend wants me to say he's cute

2006-10-06T20:48:00.000+08:00

i have nothing to say today, so the boyfriend wants me to announce something.

the boyfriend says: "say how cute i am"

ok. HAMBRIL IS CUTE. like HAMtaro the HAMster.

oh ok i got something to say about this apek who came up to me while i was working today and said "malay people give good service ya". it sounded wrong man. and he got this horny face, like those apek-apek always have, and i replied "ermmmm... haha, ok thank u".
i hope he meant it well.

ok done.

surprise!

2006-10-05T20:43:00.000+08:00

i've been nagging for the boyfriend to surprise me with something and he did it today. somehow i knew he was coming, i can smell his scent from miles away i tell you.
he smells like my tigger. davidoff game.

i loike.

i've not been eating well lately, but i havent lost any weight either. yes. must do yoga with my mom more often.

maths was fine today, my maths tutor, miss eileen choi, teaches me well. unlike mr hambril, who always get irritated when i dont get what he says. i shall change maths tutor. or i can always have both. :):)

i need to catch up with management, and econs. oh i hate econs. why oh why did i decide to take up econs.

what to do today

2006-10-04T10:43:00.000+08:00

i like the polka dots on my blog, its big, and its green, and i figured, this is so me. i love drawing circles in class. connect them all together, and it becomes a flower.
haha random.

thought of going to the library today to study for maths. i cant do any work when im at home, and i have a maths test next week. im still struggling through integration, and now it is functions of several variables. and im going to be tested on these two topics. sheesh.

i tried yoga the other day with my mom, and i thought of joining yoga classes when i have extra money. yoga's fun, i love the stretching bit, and breathing in and out through your nose. they were laughing at me the other day because i cant do split and i said "ah yo mat" instead of "on your mark" while doing stretching similar to the athlete's position before starting a race.

i need monetary help, the islamic development bank havent replied yet. jamiyah did their best to recommend me, its up to the habibis to approve the scholarship. it has been 2 months since the interview, and i hope they are going to reply soon. extra cash would be good now, the adult ezlink bus fare takes up all my savings man.

up and running!

2006-10-03T21:35:00.000+08:00

i'm going to start blogging again so my boyfriend will know how i feel, then he wont ask me alot of questions and accuse me of being angry at him whenever we talk on the phone. he's nice though.

so yup.
i'll update when i have things to say; my daily musings.

havent been doing much lately. i have assignments to finish, tests to study for and maths to understand. AGAIN. after 2 years of writing shit for literature, history and econs, im doing maths. and stats. and i thought i dont have to actually sit tests for them anymore. im planning to go for the floorball practice every sunday, but its the fasting month now so i cant. we will see how lah.
so far, everything is good in school. i still have to work though. tired, but there's nothing much i can do because i have to help my parents out with my daily expenses since they paid for my fees.

man, it feels good to blog again. :)

this is it.

2006-04-15T21:29:00.000+08:00

so here i am, waiting anxiously for my application to nus or ntu. everyone supposedly got interviewed by ntu already accept me and nor. im currently undergoing what i called an anxiety attack because at night when i think about why i didnt get interviewed by either universities, i got an anxiety attack and couldnt breathe.
blah.
and yea, my a levels grades arent that great either. ya, i did passed, but its still boderline u see...
pls mr and mrs nus, accept me please..
i'll do anything, i swear.

hello you.

2006-04-14T12:46:00.000+08:00

it has been awhile hasnt it?
hello you.
*
this marks the beginning of something new.

prom night.

2005-12-06T18:02:00.000+08:00

so prom was ok except that the food sucked.
yeh really. i should have known. i still dont have a clue why we were told to pay 80 bucks when everything was just plain-a-ok.

friends forever.

hari raya

2005-11-28T12:34:00.000+08:00

i have to upload 120 photos which will take 2 hours altogether!
heheh.
im going to upload it one at a time because i cant stand slow paced technology in a constantly moving world.
:)
anyway raya with the pjc peeps was fun, especially when all the important people were there.

here are pics from 26-27th november..
http://photos.yahoo.com/psybabe9

only 18.

2005-11-09T08:46:00.000+08:00

it was already midnight.
whispering hums, tuneless hymms, unrythmnic breathing tones.
as she sat in front of her desk, she thought about all the things that were supposed to be, and things that were meant to be.
she thought about all the things that had happened, all the things she planned.
everything changes.
she flipped aimlessly at the stack of papers in front of her, waiting for a God-given answer.
it never came.
as she stared at the ticking clock, she realized that time passes oh-so-fast.
she realized that letting go is the best way to heal a bleeding heart and an oh-so-confused mind.
that hopes and dreams are just hopes and dreams.

and while everyone sleeps peacefully through the night, tears rolled down her face, indicating the beginning of an ending.
+
all the best to everyone taking their exams.

warped and twisted.

2005-10-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted.
+
wake me up when it's all over.
will be back in 2 months time, when the mind and heart finally settles down.

tagged.

2005-10-08T11:20:00.000+08:00

i was tagged by my ex schoolmate, so since im doing nothing right now, i shall reveal most things about me.

7 things that will scare me

cockroaches
exams
ghosts
my father
small enclosed spaces
losing people i love
heights.

7 things that i like most

chocolates
MONEY
green tea
chicken cheese balls
my bed
mama bear
basically, food.

7 most important things in my room

mirror
handphone
study notes!
mama bear
tigger
clothes
nice-smelling things. heh.

7 random facts about me

i sleep with my thumb inside my mouth most of the time
im shy
possesive, but nvr show it
i like to sing, even when i dont sound nice most of the time
i like cheesy lyrics, but i nvr admit it
very insecure
i dont like durians. yuck.

7 things i can do

sleep the whole day
i can cook!
act decent
ohhh! i can sing
i can write cheesy stuff
i can jump
i can run. heh.

7 things i cant do

act rich
lie
not laugh for 1 min
talk in front of a cute guy
act gangster
scold
express myself verbally- i either shut up or write

7 phrases/words i say the most

oh mak kau
oi
fuck u lah
siak
stupid lah u
.... can?
tk dapat ar! (due to nana's, din's and nor's influence)

7 celebrity crushes

travis barker
ryan key
deryck
frank lampard (soccer players are celebrities right??)
fabregas
jude law
tom welling. (hot superboy)

7 people i would love to do this

maria
tera
aida
aziz
hambril
fiza
pipi (although i doubt any of them would do this)

and when i've finished typing the above, i realised nana asked me to do it also. heh.

madness.

2005-10-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

mentally unstable.
fuck off and die.

the ghost of u.

2005-09-30T20:34:00.000+08:00

"At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me"
- the ghost of u, my chemical romance.
+
for the last fucked up time, shut up.
i dont need ur little fucked up lecture to tell me that i should get a C or a D for my lit.
u're not the 1 taking the fucked up exam, so just go fuck off and leave me alone.
i hate u.
i hate the sound of ur voice, like ure shouting instead of talking.
just.leave.me.alone.
+
pardon me for the fucked up language.

yesterday sucked, today SENTOSA!

2005-09-26T21:16:00.000+08:00

u know i didnt mean it when i said things like that.
u know how deep this is; the way i feel towards u.
u know i'll never ever give up.
+
sentosa was fun.
i'll blog more tmr.
:)

updating.

2005-09-25T15:24:00.000+08:00

it's been a week or so since i last updated.
there's not much to say anymore, bcuz everything else have been said, or have remained inside, locked up.
+
it's very hard to be honest, when u'll be hurting other people's feelings in the process of telling how u really feel, or what u're really thinking.
does honesty then make a person better?
or worse?
+
i've been listening to matchbook romance's if all else fails alot of times these days.
and something is holding back these tears.

prelims and u.

2005-09-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

i dropped a tear in the ocean for u.
the day u find it is the day i will stop loving u.
+
i hope i dont screw up my prelim papers.
i cant afford to fail anymore at this stage.

they know.

2005-09-13T17:57:00.000+08:00

past.
rather be forgotten.

present.
they know about it.

2005-09-12T20:22:00.000+08:00

and so it is...

if all else fails.

2005-09-09T21:11:00.000+08:00

"And if all else fails you can look up at the sky
Because it's the same one that shines above you and I.
And if all else fails you can close your eyes
And I'll be right beside you.
I'll be the one by your side."

if i cant be the girl u always wanted me to be,
if i cant say the words u always wanted me to say,
at least believe me when i promise u this:
if u ever fall, i'll be there to hold on to u.
i'll shine all night, and just like a star, i'll fall for u.
+
ok, if i continue, i can write emo songs already. so cheesy, but i mean it though.
+
and lydia's surprise bday party was a blast.
happy belated bday girl, u deserve the best.
:)
+
and nana, u deserve the best too, im very happy for u.
enjoy, and appreciate it while it lasts..
mahmod maideen is still our grandson's name ok?
hehehe. :)
+
i miss jelly.

surprise surprise

2005-09-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

7 am: wake up
7 30 am: gothic test
8 30am: reach school and forget gothic
+
went town with kak bot and kak tek for awhile to find stuff for bday boy and bday girl.
heh.
then we went round and round town, and i found a nice top and nana paid for me 1st, and i bcome the happiest girl in town.
although i was pretty disappointed bcuz the boy said he wanted to surprise me but couldnt bcuz his lecturer came late and he ends at 5 30.
so i went home early bcuz i've been going home late this past few weeks, and i slept and slept all the way from orchard to jurong east.
+
and then i sense the familiar presence, while i was walking down the covered pavement.
thanks for the surprise.
;)

sis's bday

2005-09-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most adorably irritating/annoying sister who never fails to brighten up my day and make me scream in the house, always screaming at me back.
but but.
i still love u nonetheless.

-sisters.

+
missed zouk's flea market today though. i could have bought plenty of things with just $10.
heheh.
+
one more week to prelims.

cant take my eyes of u.

2005-08-29T20:28:00.000+08:00

everything is perfectly planned.
just like u said it would be.
+
heheh.
technically, i have only 1 more week to prelims, and im behind my work schedule.
i miss jelly lots, there's so many things to tell her.
i want the a levels to end fast. so i can have my 6 mths of bliss and sloth.
i need money. lots of them. bcuz people's bdays are coming up plus i owe my dad money and i need new contact lenses.
i want to go on a holiday. i need it in fact. away from this technocratic society.
+
and Nana, hehehe. im glad u're happy, bcuz it has been a long time since i saw u smile all day long.
cute cute.
+
and to u, thank u for making me feel important.
more surprises awaits u.
hehe. ;)

all american rejects.

2005-08-20T19:00:00.000+08:00

-dirty little secret.

yea, they got new album, new song, new video.

and they are from california.
where my bestfriend is heading to. will be living there in fact.

and i miss her alot alot already.

attempting a happy entry

2005-08-15T20:51:00.000+08:00

i shall attempt to write 1 happy entry this week although i feel like shit.

ok, actually i cnt think of anythg to type so this is going to be a rant instead.
+
i told myself over and over again that i wont make the same mistakes again.
the last 1 left, and i dont want the same thing to happen again.
but the more i tell myself that im going to change, the more i become the girl i was 2 yrs ago.
it's frustrating, and when iration takes over, i feel displaced, and my mood changes, and everything just seems wrong.
everything.
this uncanny feeling is not me, is not who i am presently, its who i was 2 yrs ago.
confused and agitated.

existential displacement.
suddenly whatever paper 5 had taught me makes sense.
because i need to feel a sense of belonging, not awe and alienation.
i want to be an individual, not a follower.
i want to be me, not what people want me to be.

jelly is leaving me.

2005-08-13T10:46:00.000+08:00

we were supposed to go prom together, watch punkrock gigs together, sing punkrock princess together, shop for our dresses together, listen to emo songs together and laugh our hearts out together.

this two years with u had been fun, we cried, laugh, sing, dance, and did stupid things together.
this entry is one of the dedication entry to my favourite american indian idiot, Anjali.

i'll miss ur rantings, ur american accent, ur laughter, the big eyes, the cute little whinings, the trips to the school toilet, the long breaks doing absolutely nothing and especially the much appreciated presence.
thank u for being an angel, for hearing me out, for listening to me, for everything.

i wont know when's the next time we all are going to see u, but jelly, rest assured that u'll not be forgotten.
not by us especially.

we love u jelly, and we dont want u to go.

how much u mean to me

2005-08-09T16:56:00.000+08:00

i havent felt like this for a very long time.
it's amazing how much one can actually love u, it's indescribable.

u mean so much to me.
u really do.

time to study.

2005-08-07T20:37:00.000+08:00

i decided two weeks ago that i'll stop blogging for awhile until after the a's.
but then i realized that old habits die hard.
damn hard.

and i realized that it was nice to open up sometimes, that i should be doing this alot more than keeping everything inside and drive myself crazy.

lthe dark pits of love.

2005-08-04T22:06:00.000+08:00

as time pass, i realised im falling deeper into the dark pit.

and the problem is, there's no turning back.

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."

because of u.

2005-08-02T22:31:00.000+08:00

how i wish things wont be as complicated as it seems, the world is at peace and basically, everyone loves each other.
-
its never good to let people dwell into ur thoughts because u'll intend to hurt the other's feelings.
i havent learnt my lesson have i?
the last time i was forced to let people read my diary, and i got into deep shit.
and somehow, the relationship became distant.
and i dnt want history to repeat itself.
not this yr while im taking my a levels.
too painful.
-
and BOT(codename), u're special and u deserve more than this.
things will be alright soon i hope.
i cnt do anything or say anything much, but i'll always be here for u.
:)

the best weekend ever

2005-07-31T21:49:00.000+08:00

this is the best weekend because no parents around, and i get to sleep at my cousin's house, yey!

i did alot of homework too, just for the record.
;)

mundane life.

2005-07-23T20:24:00.000+08:00

life has been pretty mundane.

time to hit the books and stop all net activities.

will be back when a much needed rant requires to be let out.

nor's accident.

2005-07-20T20:10:00.000+08:00

i've never seen so deep a cut before.
yea, it freaks me out, blood cnt stop flowing, but the wounded one is my friend, and i'll do anything to help her.
and so i did.

i nearly cried.

i've nvr felt so useful in my life before, running around, helping her, clean the wounds...
im a good person.
hopefully God notice my kindness and grant me a little bit more luck in my exams.
because i need it badly this year.
-
i cnt understand y i can do class assignments well, but flunk my exams really bad.
i got an F for 1 of the gothic papers during my mid yrs, but in a tutorial's essay sprint, i got a C-.
and i got Bs before.
im annoyed, irritated and definitely infuriated because my intelligence, or the lack of it, is tainted.

so now when im pissed, i talk rubbish, and today had been a very long day, my brain's numb and i feel like it's going to explode anytime.
-
a well deserved rest awaits me.
come voluptuous bed, i'm waiting.

i make a good vampire.

2005-07-16T14:50:00.000+08:00

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
High Priestess of Moldovia

Known in some parts of the world as:
Haunt of Raven's Wings

The Great Archives Record:
A dark one, ancient, who flies free above all others.

i think i'll make a good vampire. :)
-
and to think that the past has been erased with the existence of the present. the past will always haunt, while the present lives in awe and fear.

and im caught in between.

american hi-fi.

2005-07-14T19:24:00.000+08:00

american hi-fi has a new album but they're not playing punk rock anymore.
it's more brit pop, and not american hi-fi at all.
so sad, i love american hi-fi to bits.

then.

now.

school

2005-07-13T20:18:00.000+08:00

me, jelly and nana have decided to make our own theories for international trade and most things related to econs.
i mean, if pple can make up theories about evolution of man from MONKEYS, y cant we??
and there are even people who came up with the weirdest thgs such as the relativity theory.
therefore, we decided to come up with the H.A.N (Hidayah. Anjali. Nana) theory, where everythng and anything is possible.

but amidst all the laughter, i'm actually directionless.
days come and go just like that, not wasted, but purposeless.
sometimes, i dont even know what im thinking about.
and most of the time, im in doubt.

existentialism.

the gymnast.

2005-07-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

what happens when u have a cute boy sitting beside u?
- cnt stop smiling
- ur face will turn red like tomato
- u cnt help but keep quiet so u wont accidentally say/do something stupid

and wahhhhh, ex chinese high gymnast?
:):)

but love, is nothing like the above.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

love; to me, is everything. ;)

sometimes love hurts.

2005-07-09T19:27:00.000+08:00

there are many things that have been happening lately.
im fairly busy with school work, with the prelim exams coming in just 7 weeks, 21 more weeks to school, less than 4 months to the a lvls.

and im going to miss the fantastic 5 so much- lyida, nor, nana, maria and jelly; people whom i've come to trust with my life.

i want to rant so much, but nobody's online.
:(

the one who breaks ur heart.

2005-07-03T13:33:00.000+08:00

What do you do when the only one that can stop you from crying is the exact one making you cry?

this is a good rhetorical question because i have no idea what the answer is.

one of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that u cant utter.

the art of losing.

2005-07-02T09:55:00.000+08:00

it's a mind-bursting battle for the mid yr exams and im glad it has ended.
although im hearing rumours that there will probably be a re exam for failures.
like how many times must i study?

had to take the re exams last yr after failing my promos, then the common test in march, then the mid yr exams, then if i ever failed the mid yrs, another re exam, then the prelims, then the a lvls.
i think by the time i finish school, i'll know the whole private life of Hitler, the weapons they used during the 1848 revolutions, what an ass all European countries are, and how the Chinese had survived in southeast asia and still, they are much hated today.
wait. i know all that already.
it's the little details that i cnt seem to memorize, like the dates of events that happened during the stupid wars.

dead people are troublesome. who the hell uses hitler in their working lives? except for teachers and professors of course.
tsk.

people have seen me bloating up like a lobster, fall in front of public, and banged my head on the stupid stupid visualiser in school.
this is not a good week, and i have a bad feeling that somehow, something bad is going to happen.
and since i banged my head really badly, i lost a few thousand brain cells, so now im officially a few thousand brain cells stupidier.
tsk.tsk.

dats y im ranting and not making any sense.

"One two fuck you Don't tell me what to do I don't wanna be like you Can't you see it's killing me I'm my own worst enemy Knock me down I'll keep on moving It's the art of losing"

happy wednesday.

2005-06-29T19:27:00.000+08:00

the worst papers are finally over, tmr is econs p1 and 2 and finally on friday, lit p8.
i have to sit a total of 9 hours thru the lit exams, 6 hours for history and 6 hours for econs.
i tell u, my hand is falling off soon and there's a big bump on my middle finger that seems to get bigger each day.
walau...

i laughed too much today and now i have stomach cramps.
caine's fault lah. mr pringles. hehehehe.
n of course nana nvr fails to make me laugh wif her funny comments.
we laugh at everything i tell u.

oh! and Fiza's band is being featured in the newspaper! so cool!
im so excited bcuz i already know fiza could sing REALLY well, and i cnt wait to listen to them perform.
:)

my fav actor and actress.

2005-06-26T14:04:00.000+08:00

to stray away from unwanted stress, i've decided to think of my favourite actor and actress instead.

i've decided that my fav actress would be jessica alba bcuz she has a body to die for and she's cool.

and my fav actor would be jude law bcuz he is H-O-T. and he acts well too.

4 more days. so long. tsk.

he's gone for 1 whole week.

2005-06-24T16:19:00.000+08:00

not even 1 day.
i cnt do stuff, i keep thinking and thinking and when i want to sleep, i'll think again and i couldnt sleep.
pls let 1 week pass like a breeze.

i'm already having a splitting headache and i think im going to be sick.
:(

back from tioman.

2005-06-23T11:04:00.000+08:00

im back.

pics are up.
tioman= boring.
no friend, i spent have of my life there sleeping.

now back to study notes. anxious.

lazzzzyyyyyyyy........

ok click below to see pictures.
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/psybabe9/album?.dir=32b3&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

tmr go tioman.

2005-06-17T14:17:00.000+08:00

in the words of william shakespeare, "parting is such sweet sorrow".

we will get back safely just in time to celebrate the end of my mid-yrs.
yey.
i cant wait for july 1st to come.

dating tips. very true!

2005-06-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

This was written by a guy who has had years of experience.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.
2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem fool proof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.
3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your a** at the drop of a hat, and alot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.
5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.
6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.
8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.
9. You can be dirty-minded in private;really...most of them are not offended byit...
10. Not all of them eat like birds; a lot of them can eat like whales.
11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that ifyou make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pu**y...
11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring, even if it's not a serious relationship.
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the sh*t out of him.
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.
17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and bestfriends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. Don't flirt with their mom...thats just freaky.
20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like sh*t, so be understanding.
21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're playing fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.
27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.
28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine'sDay. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.
29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It wil lonly hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
-
this kind of bulletin always makes me smile. funny.
2 more days to Tioman, less than a week to mid yr exams.
wah. stressssssssss...........

i dont want to go Tioman. not fun. no friend. have to stick with adults. so boring. so naggy. so noisy.
haiyaahhh....

i think im going to grow old fast because i like to complain about everything.
haiz... :) hehe.

my friends.

2005-06-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

i just logged in to msn and all my friends are online. except for maria and lydia and nor.
nightlife in msn.
hehehe.

tired. at last. peace.

the friendster bulletin.

2005-06-12T12:32:00.000+08:00

"The guy who loves you, can't tell you the reason why he loves you. he only knew that, in his eyes, you are the only one.
The guy who loves you, actually always makes you mad, but he never know what stupid thing he had done, as everything he did, is for your own good.
The guy who loves you, seldom praise you , but in his heart, you are the best, only he knows it.
The guy who loves you, will scold or complaint if you didn't reply his message but others, because he cares.
The guy who loves you , only drop his tears in front of you, when you try to wipe his tears, you are touching his heart , the heart which beats for you.
The guy who loves you , will remember every word u said , even if its accidentally. And he will use the word always at the nick of time.
The guy who loves you, will not give any promise that easily, because they don't want to break the promise, they want you to believe him and they want to give you the happiest and safest life.
The guy who loves you, always tell you not to think too much, because they already plan it for you, he wants to give u the best life in the future, he wants to give you a suprise, believe him that he can do it.
The guy who loves you, maybe can't remember special occasion like some kind of anniversary, but , he knows that, every second he live, he's loving you, no matter what day is today.
The guy who loves you, won't say " i love you" that easily, because everything he has done for you is showing that he loves you already, but he will say the word during special situation, because he dont want u to misunderstand him, he want u to know that he loves you.
The guy who really loves you, will feel that, sometimes, something have to be told only once, because he thought that u might already understand him, if he talks so much, he will feel that there's nothing you will cherish.
The guy who loves you, will go to the airport to fetch you, and he won't be carrying a bunch of roses and calls you darling like what you expected. but he will carry your lugage and asks you "why are you becoming that thin within two days?" with his sincere heart.
The guy who loves you, will listen quietly to you, when you are mad, and when you finished, he will say, you still got class tomorrow, sleep earlier . with a smile.
The guy who loves you, don't know that whether he should call you when you are angry, but he will sent a message to you after few hours, if you ask him why he call that late, he will say, when you are angry, my explanations are all rubbish. But when you calm down, my explanations will then work.
The guy who loves you, always call you little girl, but everytime he wants to make a big decision, he will first want to hear your advice.
The guy who loves you, don't like little toys like teddybear, but he will always put the bear you gift him on his bed.
The guy who loves you, while quarelling, will apologize uncontrollably, although you are the one who's wrong.
The guy who loves you, while really missing you, will want to buy a bunch of roses and wait stupidly for you under your apartment.
The guy who loves you, seldom said sweet words, but you know, his kisses already transfer all his passion for you.
The guy who loves you , if he can't always see you, will try to make himself busy, for not to have any time to remember you, because he knows, if he does, he will keep on missing you until he can't do anything else."
- taken from naresh's friendster message.

why always guys? y not "if the girl loves u"? so it's the patriarchal society once again, while guys are perceived as the romantic ones, the girls are so called insensitive.
not fair.
and not all of the above is correct.
dont bluff ar, im sure the guy who loves me have other better things to do then think of me 24/7.
huh.
-
yey! i've nearly completed my European history revision, and i'm left with these things before i go for holiday nxt week:

1) Southeast Asia History
- Nationalism
-New Imperialism
- Chinese assimilation/ problems.

2) Literature
- paper 4: The Gothic Tradition
-paper 5: the 3 open texts
-paper 8: Practical Criticism.

im left with econs to memorize and after that, i'm done wif revision.
i cant wait for the a lvls to end.
faster faster.

the brats are here.

2005-06-11T20:18:00.000+08:00

guess who's here.

the 2 little brats will be staying over for a few days.

yes. there goes my free time, my study time, and my freedom to move around.
this sucks.
-
found this in a bulletin:

When a GUY is quiet and is alone,
He's is thinking how good you are, Miss you!!!
When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.
When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves you and how important you are.
When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after awhile,
He is not and feels hurt.
When a GUY keeps asking you the same question,
He is wondering why you are lying.
When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belong to him forever.
When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Misses You and wants your attention.
When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and wants to know how you are today.
When a GUY smses u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.
When a GUY says I love you,
He really means it.
When a GUY says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.
When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immediately.

awwwwww...... so swweeettt.
the problem is, there are not many guys out there who fits the above.

oh well. im lucky.

he's not talking again.

2005-06-09T12:16:00.000+08:00

maybe im just paranoid.

my dad's not talking to me again. and whenever this happens, it is an indication that i'll probably get whacked.
like it happened before and its going to happen again.
the problem is, i dont know what i did wrong, and none of my siblings had done anything to make him angry.
neither have i.
he comes home with a fucking black face, nvr say anythg except to my mom.
he'll sleep early and only wake up in the morning to go to work.
it has been going on for 3 days.

im scared. really scared.
i dont want history to repeat itself.

this sucks.
i cnt concentrate studying.

my old sch friend.

2005-06-07T18:54:00.000+08:00

ok, this may sound abit random, but what the heck, im feeling bitchy today.
now im going to tell u a story...

sometimes, i wonder what will happen to all the sweet entries u wrote about your gf/bf in blogs when u both eventually break up. i mean how anal can people be, that they'll last forever, that nothing will come in their way or that their relationship wouldnt even experience the ups and downs.
and oh, how boring can your life be, when u only talk about ur gf/bf- like the world only revolves around the both of u.
im not saying im not guilty of such things, i mean we all are mushy sometimes.
wait. im emo, not mushy.
and i bet the entries have been said countless times to different people u've gotten attached to.
heheh.

i bet if people in a relationship are reading this, they will put hate-tags on my blog.
hah.
-
im going away on the 18th when everyone is back from their trip. and until then, i just realized that i only have less than 2 weeks to study for my mid yr exams.
i like things to be systematic, everything in their proper places, so i can study properly.
i got an econs topic done in one day, but i failed the mcq test miserably.
i slept half way through the 2nd part of the test, knowing that i'll probably fail.
it's ok, it's just a mock test, i'll do better for the mid yr.
i have to, or i'll probably have to retain or stop schooling altogether.
now it's starting to sound like an open form poem. tsk.

i've just realized that because i've been blogging too much, my essays are starting to sound like blog entries.
ok. stop.

monday morning.

2005-06-06T11:14:00.000+08:00

i slept half of my life yesterday so as to calm myself down after a not-very-good-sunday weekend.

the only productive thing i did yesterday was clean up my school notes, n went through my econs essays. all this in 2 hours, and i slept at 12 and woke up at 2 30 to find my tigger standing beside my bed and slept at 3 30 again and woke up at 7 30 and slept again and woke up at 9 to my brother's funny noises.

jelly and nor are already on their way to m'sia, laughing their hearts out, having fun, and best of all, no parents.

me, on the other hand, have nothing to do at home, nobody is online, and im hungry.
so boring.
n i have to stay home today because my mom says i've been going out too much, and i havent start revision that seriously yet.
oh well.

madagascar.

2005-06-05T17:01:00.000+08:00

the govt really extort money from us eh?
$9. 50 for a weekend movie is just too much. poor college prep kids like me dont have the luxury to enjoy weekends because the cost of going out has increased this past year.

before i get featured in the paper for criticising any parties involved, i'll start telling stories instead.
hehe.

went to watch madagascar wif Fiza n Suhaila yesterday. funny movie, i must say, me n Fiz were laughing our hearts out. but maybe it's also bcuz of the 2 girls behind us who came late n straight away laughed when they settled down at the middle part of the movie.
heheh.

everything was ok i guess, Fiz n i were laughing our hearts out at Burger King bcuz of sticky mentos sweets n sesame street. :)
n i bought myself new shades! n cute little hair clips Lauren told me about.

then i went to play pool for awhile after a long time retiring from it. i cant even get a ball in lah for goodness sake!
tsk.

i'll blog later. the old man is making fucking noise.

i have an lj

2005-06-04T10:49:00.000+08:00

now that i've already lj-ed, i dont know what to say in my blog.
im going out with the sec sch girls today!
so long nvr see them, i almost forget how they look like.
:)

the mid yr exams are near, n if i dont at least get 2 a lvl passes, they are going to either kick me out of school or retain me. retaining is out of the qn because, i dont really know the retainees and i dont think i will get along with any of them.

so must study hard, be a good girl and stop procrastinating.

"You'll discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love with anyone or anything. When you make that one effort to feel compassion instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens again and continues opening."

to whom i adore

2005-05-31T17:36:00.000+08:00

im sorry if im too emo for u.

"Love fulfilled sees where we could have gone the way of love before, if we'd known how, and how insecurities limited many of our choices. Love fulfilled perceives new meaning and higher reasons behind many of the mysteries of why things happened as they did. Living from the heart is business - the business of caring for self and others.Understanding this will take us past the age of information into the age of intuitive living."
- Doc Childre

trust. love. n grow up.
i think i need to learn all 3 right now in order to live properly.

twelfth night.

2005-05-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday's play was too long for me n nana to pay attention to.
twelfth nite was 3 hours mind u, wif shakespearean language n english accent.
so instead of actually concentrating on the play, we laugh at little thgs such as the lady who laughs out like nobody's business, the cute actor, the funny old man, n a certain 'siamang'.
hehehehe.

but a certain rooster had to appear near Raffles Hotel n made my certain friend go jelly.
however, my certain friend is strong, n she can get into a fire n be saved by a certain fireman.
hehe. :)

-

there's so many things to say, i dont even know where to start.
maybe some things are better left unsaid n kept deep inside, so u wont hurt anyone else's feelings.
or left pple worried for nothing.
or even worst...

now i really wish i was bionic.

lost for words.

2005-05-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

this is one of the days when i feel like staying at home and lie on my bed.
so that i can curl up and die.

dun get me wrong, i will nvr attempt to commit suicide or do anythg drastic, it's just the weather.
n how fucked up the sch is.

case of the ex.

2005-05-24T20:41:00.000+08:00

it's not nice of u to come back, spoil my day, n leave me wondering wat exactly u want.
i dun care anymore, but u once affected my life in a very big way, n when u suddenly call, the scars suddenly bcame wounds bleeding profusely again.

next time when u feel like coming back, give a sign 1st, so i can juz tell u to go away n nvr come back.

dumb reminders of my past which i rather forget.

oh well.
gp this friday, then the holidays.
i cnt wait.

a03.

2005-05-22T16:29:00.000+08:00

04a03. alot of politics but we still stick by each other this past 5 mths.
it used to be 04a04 n 04a05, then we combined class this yr to form the noisy, trouble-makers, mischievious a03.
n then i got closer to people who i nvr believed i will get close to.

we took our last CT class photo wif black blazers and smiling faces.
the last 1 in our lives i supposed, bcuz u dun take class photos in uni or poly.

sadly blissful.

the significant other.

2005-05-18T15:31:00.000+08:00

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
-unknown.

i was told that next week, we have to pass up 3 gothic essays.
greattt...
there goes my vesak day weekend.

funny excerpts.

2005-05-17T17:48:00.000+08:00

i cnt resist laughing my lungs out everytime i sit beside nana.
this has to be written down in my blog bcuz nana nvr fails to make my day.
although it's term 2 n we have many things to do n think about.
although she's not having a good day.
although she's pissed.
although im not having a good time in school.
although the thgs we say or do are not funny.
hehe.
i swear there's sumthing about nana dat always make me laugh.
hehehe.
:)

the spiky-hair, leopard-skin-skirt, red-lipstick-pink-blusher, sarcastic econs teacher of mine nvr fails to insult me everytime during tutorials n lectures.
i swear she has something against me, maybe because she's jealous that i used to have nicer spiky hair than hers.
hehe.
anyways, like today n every other day in econs, she'll ask me a hard qn n expect me to say the right thgs.
"u need bionic eyes hidayah"
"if hidayah is not blur n she can do it, dat means everyone can do it too"
yea. i know. if u can give me superhuman powers, i will kneel down to u n respect u till the end of my life.
but i still enjoyed ur econs class, bcuz u make me laugh n i like to laugh n smile n laugh till i cry.

maybe there's seriously sumthg wrong wif me.
i've never been this happy before in my life.
especially when it's 5 mths to the a lvls.

letters to u.

2005-05-16T16:56:00.000+08:00

i made lydia cry today when she read my half-econs half-letter essay juz now during econs essay test.
i didnt know i could make pple cry. it wasnt easy writing an essay in the morning, i almost slept during the test.
i almost cried too when i read hers, but i was successful in containing my tears.
:)

school w/o nana was a bore but caine's constipated face made me laugh till i cry.
sch ends so fast today, i forgot wat happened.
only 18 pple showed up in sch, out of 22.
i wish i was at home...

i hope nana's fine, bcuz she looks ok in the outside, but inside i know she's breaking apart.
but i admire her brave front, bcuz i know i wont be able to take it.
soon nana. soon.

1 gothic essay plan, 1 ap assignment, i econs drq, 1 econs case study.
2 gothic essays by nxt week.
gp mid yr exams nxt friday, n then the holidays.
how fun.

my blog. my posts.

2005-05-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

i am an intellectual 18 year old who dont give a damn about what people say or think.
so if u're stupid n do not know the basic meaning of "this is my blog n i dun care what u fucking think", then im sad to say that u probably have to go back to kindergarten n learn the basics.
heh.
this monotony in life had made some of us rude, indifferent and irritatingly stupid.
n yea, every1's welcome to my blog, feel free to tag, n if i offended u in a way or another, pls let me know.
leave ur name n dun be an asshole.

hate tags are the most irritating form of harrassment.
u can come back, n i can delete. it is as simple as that.
:)

so apart from that, im fine actually.

sch's great n im coping. i didnt study for my history tests n i passed it really well.
i did my lit essays an hour before class starts n i passed really well too.
im proud of myself.
:)

exhilaration.

mother's day.

2005-05-08T21:20:00.000+08:00

i wrote my mom a letter today, which was to be read by her only.
happy mother's day!
i really admire u people.

went town juz now wif jelly, lydia n aida n sat at starbucks n saw a cute starbucks worker n stared at him n then he suddenly disappeared n then we were all disappointed n then we went to do our homework.

dats juz our routine every week since the beginning of the year.

"it's the way that he makes you feel.
it's the way that he kisses you.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love."
-sugarcult's pretty girl.

tigger bear.

2005-05-06T20:15:00.000+08:00

ok. im not in the best mood today bcuz i hate the sch.
the sch should:
1stly, change principle who talks like an ah pek.
2ndly, change its rigid system which believes in banding. wtf.
3rdly, its office people who knows nothing abt courtesy.

uhuh.

BUT tigger bear make me happy, n now he smelled of hugo boss dark blue.
;)

thank u.

my friend got caught.

2005-05-05T21:47:00.000+08:00

somehow, the school system suck more and more with each passing day.

i hope everything will be just fine.
soon.

my dad.

2005-05-04T16:50:00.000+08:00

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think
I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

i dun like simple plan but this song makes me think alot.

i cared too much about what others think dat i forgot to think for myself.
n i cared too much abt not hurting anyone else's feelings dat i forgot i've been hurting all my life.
i think i cared too much.

n all i need is a little bit of love back so that i know i am being appreciated for caring too much.

dats not too much to ask for, right?

i just wanna live.

2005-05-01T10:36:00.000+08:00

u dun have to promise me alot of things which i know u wont fulfill.
bcuz u will make me sad.
really sad.

"i'll buy u a lap top"
like how many times have u said that??
"i'll buy u a new hp"
like when??

i went to science stream like u asked me to.
i got surprisingly good results for my o levels like u forced me to.
i went to jc like u want me to.

so now what?
u promised me too many things already n so far, not even 1 has been fulfilled.
n u wanted everything from me.

"wear tudung, u look sweet"
do not bluff to a liar.

i want to scream badly.

chinese garden

2005-04-29T17:52:00.000+08:00

i nvr went to chinese garden before until today.
the place is definitely perfect for reading n studying i tell u.

n if u wanna hear westlife's songs, u can sit by the river n sing while looking at pigeons n turtles.
hehehe.

it's so peaceful.

n it's much more nicer if u're there wif ur love ones.

i love u

2005-04-27T17:27:00.000+08:00

I never really knew you
You were just another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past memories
that would only make me cry
I had to forget my first love
and give love another try
So I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know
And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say
But I'll never stop loving you
each and every day
My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember one thing
I Love You.

i skip sch today.

2005-04-26T16:36:00.000+08:00

i nvr got an mc before ever since i stepped into pjc.

healthy? no.
im juz scared to go to the doc.

doc's are manipulative n sly people who can sense the slightest things that needs to be kept secret.
hehehe.

i did work today

2005-04-24T21:53:00.000+08:00

welcome to my life.

2005-04-22T19:14:00.000+08:00

i enjoyed history lesson this week bcuz short fart made me n caine laugh hysterically in class.
i truly enjoyed all his jokes n bloopers bcuz this short n stout teacher is cute when it comes to impersonating characters.

for example, he tried to copy bugs bunny in class today wif the latter's accent:
"wats up doc wats up doc!"
like wtf. hehe, but it's so funny, i cnt stop laughing thruout the 2 hours of history.

n on tues, he wore this shirt which looked like it's bought from the market n started staggering to tell a joke. he wanted to sound intellectual, but me n caine thought he's struggling to find his words n he looked funny.
really.

n then there's the pic in caine's hp which i cnt look at bcuz it'll bring nightmares.
the short fart's pic is so damn scary yet hysterically funny dat i cnt control my laughter everytime i see it.
hehehehe.

this is 1 of the best week of my life bcuz ive nvr felt so much contentment b4 wif sch work piling up n the a lvls r juz a few mths away.

i hope everythg will be alrite.

you. 20th april 2005.

2005-04-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

i remembered.

2005-04-18T19:15:00.000+08:00

it was 2 yrs ago when i started a blog.
i kept a diary once n i let him throw it away for me.
it was a platonic relationship actually.
he was 1 friend dat till today, i had nvr really forgotten.

i still remember how my r/s wif my mom n dad was so cold, i cant even bear to look at their faces.
den they betrayed my trust by reading my diary where hidden secrets, repressed self of mine r kept.
i was so taunted by the thought dat all my feelings, thoughts, poems, daily life routines were known by my parents.
i almost died.
i soon lost the 1 source dat kept me breathing.
my diary.

n a certain being helped me get rid of my past n till today, i cnt forget him.
bcuz he helped me alot in many ways, n most importantly, he is 1 of the reason why i still survive the ordeal.
he's not here anymore though. i dun even know if he's alright.
but i know dat he's a good friend to have n to keep.
n by featuring him in my blog, i kept him alive in some ways, bcuz i realised that today, i actually missed alot of pple dat helped me get thru my sec yrs.
the juvenile delinquency years.

i miss my sec sch friends alot.
n i hope all of them r alrite.

i feel 16 again.

an uhuh day at home.

2005-04-17T13:39:00.000+08:00

i have 3 essays to finish up, 2 econs drqs n a lit presentation to do by next week.
i havent even started revision yet wif all the homeworks i have to finish.

n i dun even have time to reflect n ponder on the thgs i did or do recently.
tsk.

i cant help but complain bcuz everythg is in a mess n i cant work properly.
my files n worksheets r everywhere. i cnt find my lit stuffs n it's driving me crazy.
tsk. tsk.
how anal.

i hope Hani is ok.
Hanis better take care of her or else im goin down to yjc to scream at him.
:)

the new begining.

2005-04-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

im goin to update my blog from now on bcuz i've finally found a reason to start over new.

so here i am, not EMO anymore.
i think.
i still think abt u though.
wat u r doing right now. or whether u've eaten.
whether u still play around wif girls' hearts.
or if u're listening to ur mom n dad n not get into trouble.

but...
he makes me smile.
he sings 4 me n promised me dat he wont make me sad.

he reminds me of u 2 yrs ago.
but he's better than u.
u, who broke my heart.
n left the wounds unhealed.

only time can tell, n right now, i'm starting to 4get u.
only vivid memories which will only fade away wif time.

u dun need to tell me it's over bcuz im saying goodbye.

go jogging wif the whole family.

2005-03-26T15:32:00.000+08:00

it has been so long since i last saw Isty.
i saw her today running in MacRitchie n we both said hi.
dats it.

yea. the whole family went jogging juz now.
early in the morning at ard 7 30.

i think i'll probably stop blogging 4 awhile bcuz currently, i dun wish to publicise my life.
due to some unknown circumstances, this blog is temporily close. u can leave tags though, n those who know me will know where to find me in the net.
hehe.

1 last thg b4 i go, common test sucked n yea, im still single.
where's my garage band king??
hehehe.

n tired of everythg. of freaky pple. of disillusioned pple.
of sch. of hurting. of crazy boys.

good bye n may God bless.

stagnant blog

2005-03-20T19:54:00.000+08:00

my blog has been quite stagnant nowadays due to lots of accountable reasons such as
1) common test common test!
2) i dunno what to blog about
3) blogging not fun anymore especially when ur blog can be viewed by pple u dunno
4) im a busy woman

haha.
this comes from nowhere but...
im praying hard that u would be ok wherever u r right now.
missing u more with each passing day.

okok. emo emo. tsk.
wish me good luck 4 my common test!

eyecandy has a gf n the ex is coming back; supposedly

2005-03-15T21:13:00.000+08:00

im having a splitting headache now so i cnt write much.

except that im still hoping u would chge ur mind.

n i had to get my butt off the computer chair n start studyg seriously.

the 1st day of term 1 holidays

2005-03-14T20:41:00.000+08:00

i was quite happy wif myself bcuz i can at least write a para 4 gothic today during lecture.
yey!

den i spent the rest of the afternoon in town wif my mom n sis n went shopping.

felt better after my heart sort of cracked when i heard abt the latest eyecandy news.
well at least he's happy.

sunday n sch starting tml.

2005-03-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

we had fun studying while laughing our heads off at wheelock place juz now.

n omg, iBook is only $1, 788 lah.
so cheap rite.
cibai.
i want i want.

2 more weeks to common test.
im already exhausted from doing hmworks instead.

the a levels results

2005-03-05T09:55:00.000+08:00

at this time nxt yr, i'll either be celebrating or crying.

the a lvl results r more anticipating than the o lvl results.
ure 1 way up the highest peak, n u cnt afford to climb down again.
it'll be too agonising.

i told daryl yesterday dat im gonna start today so that i would eventually walk up the stage to receive my result slips.
3 a's is not that hard is it?
history. literature. econs. gp.
pjc had 100% pass 4 both history n literature.
more pressure. pressure.

i flunked my malay ao by getting c6.
very bad considering i had a2 for malay in o lvls.
dats how a lvls will be.

no miracles.

congrats to those who've done well.

n yea eyecandy, we'll make it to the stage nxt yr.

annoyingly flirtatious.

2005-03-02T19:32:00.000+08:00

i dun mind if some1 is flirting wif my fren.
but not so extreme ok. u look like a slut.
n i sound really bitchy.

i was in the bus on my way home wif nor when i suddenly remembered u.
yea u, who broke my heart.
i remembered how u used to wait 4 me.
i remembered how we purposely took the long way to go to school.
i remembered how we used to compete who will get thru the bush 1st.
i remembered how u would pluck a small flower n tell me dat u loved me.
i remembered how we used to disturb each other.
i remembered how u were always jealous when any guy frens get close to me.
i remembered how i spent long days wif u.
i remembered the fights.
i remembered the day u broke the news.
i remembered how i cried till i cnt sleep 4 days.
i remembered how till now i hope 4 u to come back.
i remembered that now im finally over u.

now im remembering that all that happened in the past were juz glimpse of my sec sch life.
now i remembered that there r alot of pple out der who care 4 me more than u do.
now i've realised that i was not falling 4 u.
i was falling 4 love itself.

now i remembered that whatever happened in the past should be forgotten.
i write to forget.
i write to quell my anger.
n sadness.
i write to meet my ghost.

n ive finally fought my fear. my ghost.
you.

this time, im falling 4 some1 new.
i remember how i was scared to talk to him.
n im still.
i remember his "hi" n smile.
he give me hope.
bcuz at least we're friends.

crazy me

2005-03-01T14:32:00.000+08:00

guess wat happened in sch today?
no of course u all dun know.
let me tell u the story ok?

we were having our 1 hr lunch break b4 gp.
lydia was mocking this uncle who was cleaning the ramp's railing wen she suddenly came up wif the idea of me in the teacher's chair n rolling over the ramp.
so being the crazy me, i took a teacher's chair from an empty classroom n brought all the way to the canteen.
i sat on the chair n lydia n maria pushed me down the ramp.
fun ok!
like rollercoaster ride u know.
we were laughing our heads off n every1 laughed at us.
who cares huh.
luckily eyecandy not in the cantten.
i would turn red like tomato if he sees me!
hehehe.
this would be 1 of the moments i would nvr 4get.

i love my jc life.
especially the people.
n eyecandy of course.

common test is coming n i really have to start studying soon.
or the sch will kick me out of jc2.

i love my hair.

2005-02-25T17:46:00.000+08:00

i love my hair lah.
but when i love sumthg, der's bound to be sumthg which spoils everythg.
like my digi com lah.
spoilt u know.

cnt use.
i really cnt get over the fact that my digi cam spoil.
irritating u know.

eyecandy tried to smile but i dun dare look at him.
it's been a crazy week n i dun want to get affected by him.
cute cute eyecandy.
will u be mine?
haha.

n u. yes u who broke my heart.
gd luck 4 ur o lvl results.
hope u ACTULLY pass it this time. bcuz u broke my heart the last time n God punished u by failing u for ur o lvls.
Amen to u.

n u. yes u. stop it. it irritates me.

smart casual day.

2005-02-23T18:35:00.000+08:00

they should sing songs in english so dat every1 would understand u know.
n in s'pore dey're encouraging racial harmony.
wateverlah..

if i could juz close the distance between us.
i would want to tell u dat everythg's gonna be alrite.
no more heartaches.
juz happiness 4 u.

gd day. i smiled alot.

2005-02-21T17:49:00.000+08:00

so i got eyecandy's approval to msg him.
ok ok.
im not desperate ok.
i juz think dat it's worth it to u noe... talk n make fren.
haha.
ok ok.
i like eyecandy ok.
but the problem is, we r so different u n i..

i shouldn't hope 4 too much.
bcuz in the end, i know i wont gain anythg.
heart breaks. hopes crashed. dreams will juz be dreams.

n im glad we've settled the fren problem.
9 pple squeezed into a handicap bathroom is bad.
no air. cnt breathe. n we're all talking n laughing.
n confronting.
so there it goes. no more shit from u ok?
be urself. i love u 4 who u r.

i love my bunny blogskin.
it's so me.

untitled.

2005-02-20T12:12:00.000+08:00

it has been a crazy week.
with alot of gd news n drama.

i hope dat watever u want to achieve is fulfilled.

this facade must come to an end.
i wont hear ur whinning anymore.
u're on ur own.

if u want a fren, be urself.
der's no need to be pretencious.

i pray to God that one day, u'll come back to the right direction.
please.

hello friday.

2005-02-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

i hope i have hope.

pls acknowledge that i exist.
u wont mind dating a maly girl rite?
gd news. gd news.

i like to look at u eye candy.
u make me smile.

suntec learning journey.

2005-02-16T20:14:00.000+08:00

im bored.
juz came back from suntec n the learning journey trip is horrible can.

if everythg goes well....
he said it depends since im malay.
eyecandy eyecandy.

v-day.

2005-02-14T17:07:00.000+08:00

my digi cam cnt work!
i want to take photo.
i want to!
iwanttoiwantto.
tsk.tsk.

so there r alot of punats flying around in sch today.
n nice pple giving me candies.
yey.

u all made my day.

valentine's day.

2005-02-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

a stupid day tml would be filled with sadness and anxiety.
as well as busy doing lit assignments due on wednesday.

it's ok.
things will get better for every1 experiencing the same thing.

saturday 12.

2005-02-12T22:20:00.000+08:00

thank god.

im happy.